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 Your ultimate source for humor quotes, videos, dictionary help.....

-Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity. -Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

-My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. -Socrates

-I'm never wrong. I once thought I was wrong, turns out, I was mistaken. -Anonymous

-If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum. -George Muncaster (Air Force Wisdom)

-"Don't be so humble - you are not that great." - Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat

-I dream of a better tomorrow... where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned.- anonymous

-I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. - W. C. Fields

-"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

-"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

-"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." - Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

-"Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."-Anonymous

-"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

-"The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'." - Anonymous
 
- Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.-Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

-If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie. -Anonymous

-"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'." - Chris Rock

-"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." - Sharon Stone
 
-"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth." - Sherlock Holmes (by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, 1859-1930)

-"Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid." - Captain Jack Sparrow

-You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly!- Eddie Murphy( Shrek)

                             Funny Dialogues

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, nothing happens, it must be really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet...it's still on my desk... sorry .
>>>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Is that your left or my left?
>>>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A customer couldn't get on the Internet: -
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I watched my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
>>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry ... Internet Explorer.

>>>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter " a ", but how do I get the circle around it?

(src: sajha.com)

 

 
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